rhythms of rationalizations



A few weeks ago, I had been feeling like a slug for not exercising, for not walking my dogs regularly, for not wanting to get dressed and leave my house, for not practicing my morning yoga for days, maybe even weeks. I was berating myself for not being one of those annoying people who arise each morning at 6 a.m., drive to the "Y" and workout while listening to their favorite ipod tunes for a minimum of 30 minutes. I pondered why I couldn't be one of those people. I worried I would become old and unhealthy. I wondered why I didn't want to get out of bed, never mind exercise.



Then I had one of those great moments-the kind that provide you with a rationalization that will not only get you through a day, but get you through your entire existence.



I thought about the time of year: WINTER-February in particular. A dark month, a cold month, a month in which nearly every one I know gets sick. And I had been sick too. February-the month before March-the month Spring arrives. That's when it hit me: I was not a bum, a loser, a slug-I was a creature of nature, following the rhythms of nature as is intended. It was winter. I wanted to hibernate, hunker down under my covers, drink warm beverages, and read good books.



I realized that soon, the mornings would come earlier, sunlight would flood my bedroom, my bathroom would no longer feel like an icebox, the temperatures outside would not intimidate me . I would want to walk my dogs at 6:30 a.m. again. I would want to do my morning yoga routine.



I had regained faith not only in myself, but in the natural rhythms of nature; of the natural rhythms of humans. It occurred to me how unnatural it may be to get up every morning at the same time, walk into a temperature controlled environment and exercise on machines. Just maybe was it not only "OK" that I was being a bear in my cave in February, but that it was natural and GOOD to be feeling and acting this way. That soon, I would have a different rhythm to my day, a Spring rhythm, and that would morph into my summer rhythm, and into fall, and back to winter.



As I said: a rationalization? A realization? an epiphany?



I am not sure-I think it can be any or all of these. What I do know is that I felt absolutely NO GUILT as I climbed back into bed, cozied up under my covers, and read for awhile before beginning my day. Aaaahhh, a rationalization I can live with!

Obamamaniac to Anti-Climactic

I can't explain why I felt the way I did when I woke up this morning. I should have felt euphoric, relieved, ecstatic. But I didn't. Instead, I felt kind of down, blue. I felt the way I do on Christmas, after the presents have all been opened, the wrapping paper strewn across my living room floor, after the kids have fallen into bed, asleep from exhaustion and excitement, after my crazy relatives have all gone home (well,if I am lucky), after there is a pile of dishes so high in my sink I could cry, but that I know I will now have to face cleaning. I turned on the news thinking maybe I just needed a fix (because I am a news junkie now)-maybe I just needed a reminder that YES, Obama really did win the election last night. I really did see McCain give a gracious concession speech (with Palin standing as far away from him as possible without looking like she would fall off the stage. Not to mention her hurried exit off the stage. It was as if McCain was the uncool loser in high school that she, the popular, pretty girl did not want to be seen with). I really did stay up late with my husband and now twelve y.o. daughter (her birthday fell on Election day this year-we knew months ago that I'd be crying on her birthday-we were just hoping for tears of relief and joy, not the tears of grief I cried when Bush became our president after the last two elections. My birthday is Inauguration Day. I get to celebrate then too, not cry. YEAH!) I really did watch Obama give an emotional, inspirational, historic victory speech in front of Oprah, Jesse Jackson, and over a hundred thousand others. This scene, more than any other, when replayed today, helped give me a little fix of the emotions I'd felt last night, but I just couldn't get enough. I kept channel surfing, looking for more. The clips of people celebrating in D.C., New York and Kenya helped. But the newscasters quickly moved on to inane conversation, arguing and speculating about details of the campaign and who may be selected for Obama's cabinet. Still, my blah feeling nagged me. I tried listening to radio, to NPR, my constant companion-I have a radio in the bathroom and in the kitchen. Both were gifts from my husband years ago when my kids were little. I do believe there were times when these radios and the ability to listen to NPR (or sometimes rock out, depending on my need), helped save my sanity, my children, and maybe even my marriage. Just as many of the TV shows were discussing the the historic election of a black president, so was this NPR show. A woman phoned in to say that Barack was elected president because he was black. That he received enough votes because of all those "educated" people living in the coastal states who had been taught multiculturalism and political correctness, so that they could only vote black because that was was they were taught. Without bothering to argue the woman's ignorant and racist statement, the host responded with, "You mean those coastal states such as Iowa, Ohio, Illinois, and Indiana?" HA. Loved that. This focus on Obama's race all over the TV news and now on NPR was beginning to disturb me. Yes, it was historic. Yes, we should celebrate it. But I do believe the focus on Obama the black president elect got to a point where it began to take away from Obama the president elect who ran the best campaign we've ever seen (some have called it "flawless"), the man who was born to a lower middle class white woman and a Kenyan father who shortly left Barack and his mother to attend Harvard and then returned to Kenya, leaving Barack to grow up without a father, his mother a single mom. The man who, after attending community college in California, transferred to Columbia University, then turned down the opportunity to make big money and instead searched for a community organizing job that paid about $10,000 a year. The man who went on to attend Harvard, becoming it's first black Law Review President. The man who taught constitutional law for ten years. The man who was a state senator for six years. The man, who, until 2004, was virtually unknown to America. The man who ran against well-known and well-connected opponents such as John Edwards and Hillary Clinton and WON. The man who, no matter how rude and disrespectful McCain was to him, smiled back and kept his cool. The man who, when McCain was panicking when the economy tanked, remained calm, cool, and collected. The man who was such an eloquent, inspirational speaker that he drew crowds of people all over the country into not just the thousands, but over a hundred thousand.

Hey, I have rambled on so much that I think I finally got myself out of my funk. I reminded myself why I am a self-confessed Obamamaniac. And yes, I am thrilled that he is the first African American president this country will have. I am proud that our country has elected Obama. But mostly I am thrilled that he will be our new president. As Chris Rock has said, and I paraphrase here, "Obama isn't just any black guy running for president. I'm not voting for him because he's black. I wouldn't vote for Flava-Flav. I'm voting for him because he's Barack."

Note: I am cheating with this post. :-)) I first posted it on myspace, before I had this blog. I want something on my blog ASAP. I want to play catch up. So you may be reading some outdated material, but material I want out there nonetheless. Here's my post from October 3rd, the day after the VP debate:

I watched the VP debates Thursday evening along with 70 million others. (Oh, I don't feel lonely anymore!) I watch the debates for several reasons-the main one being that I don't want the media telling me what I supposedly "saw" and "heard" the night before. I prefer no filter on my lens, thank you. So I watch, and I suffer. So does my family. Because I rant, talk to the TV as though they can hear me (giving my candidate the best advice -why don't they ever listen to me??), mutter, moan, and in general get my blood pressure up. My big pet peeve: Gwen not being a good moderator: i.e. reminding the debaters of the rules they agreed to-to debate and look at EACH OTHER and ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTIONS!! However, the nails on the chalk board for me was Palin's repeated pronunciation of the word "nuclear." Someone needs to help her on this. And many other things. Then again, no. I like that she has been revealed to be the immature, uninformed, unable-to-put her-own sentences-together idiot that she is. (Katie Couric interview, CNN interview, random responses to reporters while in NY, etc.). You just have to phonetically sound the word out! There is no SECOND "U" sound in there! I do not want a potential leader of our country mispronouncing such a loaded word such as nuclear. (Even though our current one does!) There is no second "u" in NUCLEAR! It is not "NUKULAR!!" AARGH!! Anyone remember the '80s movie Broadcast News with Holly Hunter, William Hurt, and Al Brooks? If so, you feel my pain. Maybe it's an English major thing.

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary does list this as an alternate pronunciation, with the second "u" sound, but only because enough idiots have pronounced it this way!!

Ok, that's your intro to me-my first blog-a political rant- there you go. Now you know me a bit better! :-)) Didn't say you'd like me better, just that you'd know me better!

Greetings fellow bloggers! I am so excited (and more than a little proud) to finally be blogging with all you cool bloggers I know out there-especially my uber cool homeschool homeys. I have been wanting to blog for a while, but that want has become a need. (Read: desperate to stay sane. Well-attempt to stay sane anyway). I think you all know what I mean. Lydia-I did it! I know, you're thinking, "finally, jeesh!" My 11 y.o. had a blog before I did. Cool for her, sad for me. But now I can be added to Shez's list. So, off I go....